Pirates of Neverland
by CandyApple75
Summary: The journey to Neverland is taking a bit longer than expected. Snow and David are annoyingly in love and Rumplestiltskin is brooding about Belle, leaving Emma, Regina, and Hook to find something to do. The three unlikely allies bond over rum and cards and soon declare themselves the 'Pirates of Neverland.' Rated T for language.


**I saw a post on tumblr somewhere that inspired this. It had to happen. This is intended to be a oneshot, but I can add more if you guys want. Enjoy and leave a review on the way out!**

**I don't own Once, but I really wish I did.**

* * *

Emma kicked her foot against the side of the ship. It had only been three days and she was already sick of the ocean, the ship and everyone on it. When they had gone through the portal, she had assumed that they would appear in some Neverland harbor, grab Henry and be back by dinner.

But why the hell would fate be that kind to any of them? Instead, they had ended up in the middle of the ocean. Hook spent hours consulting his old maps, charts and diagrams and declared that they were at least a month from the island.

Emma looked around the deck. David was at the helm because Hook was who-knows-where and Snow was standing next to him with her head on his shoulder. The two of them were so gooey with love, Emma swore she was getting cavities just watching them.

Gold was off to the side staring dejectedly at the churning waters, probably brooding about Belle. Emma stared warily at him for a moment and then gave a sigh of relief when she saw him tighten his grip on the railing. So he wasn't dead. Good to know.

She heard Snow start giggling madly and groaned. Emma looked in the direction of the sound and saw her parents locking lips over the wheel.

"Hey!" she called. "Eyes on the water, hands on the wheel!"

They ignored her and she sank down with her back against the mast. There was no way she was going to survive this for a month.

Emma sat there for a few minutes watching the puffy white clouds roll by, but that quickly became boring. She stood up and stretched, trying to think of something to do.

That's when she realized that she hadn't seen Regina or Hook all day.

She wasn't complaining and ordinarily she wouldn't care, but she was about ten minutes away from throwing herself overboard just so she could have something to do. Searching for the pirate and the queen would at least give her an excuse to get away from her parents.

Emma scuffed her way to the door of the Captain's Quarters. It was shut, but when she turned the handle, she was surprised to find it unlocked.

She was not at all sure what she had expected to see when she walked in, but whatever that was, this was not it.

Regina and Hook were sitting on opposite sides of the desk with a bottle of rum between them. Hook had a flask next to him. They both had cards in their hands and they both were glaring at each other.

"What am I interrupting?" Emma asked.

"We're playing cards," Regina said, not taking her eyes off of Hook.

"With rum," Hook said, holding up his flask. His eyes were still locked on Regina's.

"With rum," she agreed.

"Why?" asked Emma.

Regina sighed and set her cards down, turning to the blonde. "Because your parents are annoying as always and Gold is depressed. Best not to mess with him."

"So we're here." Hook said. "Do you want to play? There are only so many games you can play with two people. And I think Queen Queen's cheating."

"I told you not to call me that."

"What are you going to do about it?" Hook asked like a smug little kid.

Regina grabbed the rum bottle, took a swig and held up her left hand. Flames licked at her palm. She smirked.

"Bad Queen Queen!" Hook exclaimed, almost falling off his chair in fright. He grabbed the flask that Emma had assumed was filled with rum and flung its contents at Regina. It was filled with water.

The flames flickered out leaving only steam in their wake. Regina bared her teeth like a dog, but then settled back down.

"What are you even playing?" Emma asked.

"War," Hook said. "We can play it three-way if you want."

Emma sighed. It was either this or death by boredom on the deck. "Fine. Deal me in."

* * *

"Play a card, bitch," Regina dared. She was glaring at Emma. "This is war."

They had been playing for over an hour now. Hook had run out of cards after ten minutes, but he was still drinking and watching the game.

Emma slammed a card down on the desk next to Regina's Jack of Spades. It was the Queen of Hearts.

Hook and Emma both turned to Regina to see her reaction. She grabbed the rum bottle and took a long swig. Then she turned to Emma who was still just staring. "What? I'm not going to start sobbing, if that's what you're waiting for."

Emma grabbed the cards and drank from her own bottle. "So…not that I really care, but are we just going to sit here dying of alcohol poisoning for the rest of the trip?"

"That's the plan," Hook said.

"Not _dying_," Regina drawled. "Magic can keep us from dying. But yes. I mean, if you want to be out the deck with 'I'll always find you' and Grumplestiltskin, be my guest. I'm staying right here. Now let's end this damn game. You're going down, Blondie."

"Oh, it's on Queen Queen."

Hook chuckled. "It's funny 'cause your name means queen so you're actually Queen Queen."

Both women stared at the pirate for a moment and then looked back at each other and burst into laughter.

* * *

"Idea!" Emma exclaimed. She jumped up, knocking the cards off of the table and nearly spilling the rum. "We play a drinking game."

"What?" Hook asked. "I thought we've been doing that for the past two hours."

"No. A real drinking game. Like every time we see something, we take a drink."

"Then I might as well blind myself now," Regina said. "Because I see a lot of shit."

"Well, not every time we see something. How about whenever my parents are being…my parents?."

"Whenever we think Rumplestiltskin might be dead," Hook added.

"Sounds _boring_," Regina whined. "Why can't we do something fun?"

"What's your idea of fun then?" Emma asked. "And more importantly, how are we still functioning? I should be twice as drunk as I feel right now."

"Magic," said Regina. The _duh _was implied. "And I say we sacrifice Hook to the mermaids. Might be fun."

Emma studied the pirate for a moment as though actually considering Regina's suggestion, but then shook her head. "We're not sacrificing Hook to the mermaids."

"Why not?" Regina pouted.

"Wait, are we talking about me?" Hook asked. "'Cause there should be a Captain in there if we're talking about me."

"Fine," Regina muttered. "We'll play the stupid drinking game."

"Nah, I don't really want to anymore," Emma said. "Not even magic could save us if we did."

"Then what should we do?"

"I feel like we should be pirates."

"I am one," Hook chimed in.

"No. I mean like Pirates of the Caribbean. Except we can be Pirates of Neverland," Emma said. "You know, we get bandannas and more rum and a creepy monkey and walk around all like, 'Yo ho ho me hearties.'"

"There is not enough alcohol in the world to get me drunk enough for that," Regina said. "Next."

"We could just play cards again and figure out something fun to do tomorrow," Hook suggested. "We'll be out here for a month. There's plenty of time to do fun stuff then."

"Sounds good to me," Regina said. "But I'm dealing this time. You two peasants are going down."

"Wait a second," Emma said. "My dad is steering the ship. Shouldn't we be worried that we're going in the wrong direction?"

"Magic," Regina said with a half-hearted wave. "I enchanted the ship so it would go straight to Neverland."

"Oh," Emma said. "Cool. Now let's play. We got a long journey ahead."


End file.
